Disgraced Former Guy Only Has Eyes for Kenny P
Long-distance relationships aren’t easy, but two disgraced public figures are showing the world that, when there’s graft to be had, love will find a way. Two years after the stream of sultry billets-doux between North Korea’s “Rocket Boy” and TFG (The Former Guy) abruptly ended, tabloids speculated on where Trump’s affections would turn next. Bashar al-Assad? Rodrigo “The Dude” Duterte?
A recent announcement from TFG has confirmed that the lingering courtship between him and Texas State AG Ken Paxton has now blossomed to the next level — political endorsement.
In expressing his feelings for Paxton, who is seeking reelection in late 2022 despite being indicted, Trump used rough language, which may be how Kenny boy likes it.
Paxton “has been bravely on the front line in the fight for Texas, and America, against the vicious and very dangerous Radical Left Democrats, and the foolish and unsuspecting RINOs that are destroying our Country,” Trump said, referring to “Republicans In Name Only,” a.k.a. conservatives who do not buy into bullshit conspiracy theories about “stolen” elections and other nonsense that has now been erased (hopefully forever) from TFG’s banned Twitter account. (Reminder: He got the boot for spreading misinformation.)
Any why should anyone care who this old racist rapist endorses? Simple: Trump still steers a national Republican party that clings to voter suppression antics and baseless conspiracy theories to drive conservatives to voice their bigotry at the ballot box. Trump earned 52% of Texans’ votes in the 2020 presidential election, and you’d better believe those people vote in primaries as well as general elections.
The announcement was a snub to George P. Bush, nephew of George W. Bush, who hopes to win next year’s Republican primary against Paxton and who, after all the groveling he’s done at the orange man’s Italian loafers, must feel like a sixth grader watching his crush dance with the school bully. P. Bush should have known. Before being elected president, Trump tweeted his opinion of the Bush family. “We need another Bush in office about as much as we need Obama to have a 3rd term. No more Bushes!”
The last part of that tweet may have predicted the subsequent rift with porn star cheatee Melania.
The Trump/Paxton courtship really started heating up in January when Texas’ attorney general traveled to Washington, D.C., to rile up thousands of white, racist, terroristic traitors.
“What we have in President Trump is a fighter,” Paxton told the terrorists who subsequently breached the U.S. Capitol to kidnap and possibly murder elected officials. “And I think that’s why we’re all here.”
The love thang between Trump and Paxton has hurdles that are tough but far from insurmountable. Paxton is indicted for felony fraud charges, and if he loses his reelection bid to civil rights lawyer Lee Merritt, a Democrat, he may finally find himself in criminal court. Trump is facing potential criminal fraud charges from the New York state attorney general’s office and New York City’s DA.
Now that Paxton and TFG have made their feelings known publicly, Trump should brush up on his love letter-writing skills. Just in case this steamy relationship takes a detour to a New York state penitentiary.
This editorial reflects the opinions of the editorial board and not necessarily the Fort Worth Weekly. To submit your own column, please email Editor Anthony Mariani at email@example.com. Submissions will be edited for factuality and clarity.